A day in the life of a Middle Manager...

OS X.3 "Panther" box graphic leaked!

Originally from here and noticed because of the fine people frequenting the uk.comp.sys.mac newsgroup!

It's a popup graphic if you want to see a larger version... :)

Warrington

Courtesy of The Idler. And people wonder why we want to move back to Canada as soon as we can!

Town/Village: Warrington

A town with pretensions of being a city. It suffers from being between Manchester and Liverpool and as a consequence has developed a kind of hybrid noise of an accent.

Warrington is characterised by lots of angry men all produced from the same mould. Think of the thick-set, no necked, plodding Neanderthal type being from all those 'development of early man' charts you used to see on biology/history class walls. Then add a Warrington Wolves rugby league shirt, a couple of tattoos, and a shaved head.

Packs of these early men roam the streets at night after the traditional 10 pints, looking for a fight. The Sunday morning streets look like Belfast after a riot.

The Warrington female is usually in a boob tube/black mini-skirt combo three sizes too small and will wear this right up until she reaches 60.

Outsiders attain a kind of novelty status. They get the same kind of reception Western explorers received when they first encountered tribes in Africa and the Amazon. Here, Cosmopolitan is just a magazine.

The major landmark of the area is the Lever brothers factory right in the centre of town. This giant ugly monolith makes the whole place smell of washing powder... insert your own hygiene or irony joke - and be assured that it's probably true.

How amazing does this sound...

... and just what new features are coming along the line for movable type?

Have a look at TypePad and this Guardian sneak preview to get a glimpse.

Suddenly MT seems all the better! :)

England's National Day (but not a holiday)

grrr.... why isn't St. George's day a holiday? Yet another silly thing in the silly sea of daftness that the UK is becoming.

I haven't got much to say about the day apart from I definitely think it should be a national holiday, something like Canada Day but for the Brits.

For other interesting views about the day you can visit that old stalwart The Guardian or visit the blog of the superb Diamond Geezer who has now become a daily must-read for me.

*Cough* NO!

Who wants to cheat to be a millionaire? Major Charles Ingram that's who.

Having watched the documentary about the whole cheating thing on WWTBAM despite the fact that it was Martin Bashir who was doing the questioning I found it thoroughly fascinating.

Especially interesting was the way everyone seemed to have a 20-20 perfect recall of everything that night. I'm lucky if I can remember more than an hour ago unless I'm prompted! Also especially interesting was the phone call between the exec producer (I think -- see what I mean, fading already!) and Charles Ingram where the producer told him they were witholding the cheque because of 'irregularities' in the show. Essentially saying to Ingram 'you're a cheat and we know it.' Ingram didn't hardly respond at all. In fact he showed pretty much zero emotion, like he knew it was coming.

Anyway ;)

After the documentary they were showing the episode of WWTABM in question on ITV2 and the first advert before the show was for some cough syrup which I thought was particularly unsubtle... :)

During the first part of the show where Ingram is on his own he gets up to 4000 ukp and shows himself to be thoroughly unprepared, ill-read and not aware of the things that surround people in the UK day-to-day by having to use two of his lifelines. When he came back after the break (actually another show and another day but they'd edited it together) he had a remarkable transformation, suddenly knowing the answers to all sorts of difficult questions.

It was also obvious that the producers had enhanced the coughing from Whittock for the hard-of-thinking. Even better, during one of the questions you could hear a *cough* NO! *cough* which was hilarious.

See if you can answer the questions that Charles Ingram faced...

They definitely cheated is my not-so-humble opinion and how they can still be going around saying they didn't with a straight face is totally beyond me!

If you've been living in a cave for the last couple of years or you're from another country than the UK and don't know what this entry is all about you can find out more at the BBC news website.

Who do you call to get the number for...

...Directory Enquiries?

Surely it was the service everyone in the UK knew how to use. Very simple directory enquiry service... Dial 192 and get through to your telco provider's directory enquiry service, ask for the number for the person or business you want and go on your way.

Now it is set to be sooooo different it isn't even funny. Thanks to the deregulation of the directory enquiries service in the UK we will now have a grand total of 16 (yes, that's sixteen) different numbers to choose from each with their own tariff scheme. It's really 15 if you're not welsh as the welsh only get one number really.

Oftel are prepared to give out 300 numbers for this service!

The 192 shortcode is also being withdrawn as is 153 for international assistance.

What was wrong with knowing you could dial 192 and get assistance to find a phone number?

The new numbers (at least some of them) can be found on newdirectoryenquiries.com and there's a FAQ on the Oftel website.

At least we've got we've got til August 2003 to get used to it I suppose, still seems daft though...

R.I.P. 192

300 reasons to love the Simpsons

Unashamedly nicked from the Observer website.

The 300th episode of The Simpsons is broadcast today. Find a space on the sofa and read why, in 14 years, Matt Groening's show has become the world's best TV programme.

1 The Schadenfreude felt on recalling George Bush Sr's quote from 1992 - 'We're going to keep trying to strengthen the American family; to make them more like the Waltons and less like the Simpsons.' Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie are now the most popular American family of all time, especially in America.

2 Homer being voted, in 2001, Britain's favourite TV character ever - above Basil Fawlty, Father Ted and Del Boy.

3-5 The 'three little sentences' that Homer argues will get you through life. 1: 'Cover for me.' 2: 'Good idea, boss.' 3: 'It was like that when I got here.'

6 The minor characters, such as Bad Jack Crawley, such a bad man that Bob Dylan wrote a song to keep him in jail.

7 Homer: 'Operator, give me the number for 911!'

8 Their proof to TV executives that dumbing up, rather than down, has nothing to recommend it except awards integrity, ratings, laughter and profits.

9-15 Number of days (seven), according to the sign outside Springfield Nuclear Plant, since the last accident.

16-17 Number of times (twice) Homer has saved the plant from meltdown by pressing the right button at the last minute. Accidentally.

18 Grampa Abe.

19-22 How not to play blackjack: Dealer:'19.' Homer: Hit me! Dealer: '20.' Homer: 'Hit Me!' Dealer: '21.' Homer: 'Hit me!' Dealer: '22.' Homer: 'D'oh!'

23 Ideally, you should be able to watch each episode anew at five distinct stages in life. As a toddler, marvelling at all the bright colours; as a teenager, enjoying the tilts at authority; as a student, relishing the in-jokes and movie references; as an adult, musing on the truths about life, love and death; and in your dotage, marvelling at all the bright colours.

24 Fabulously incompetent lawyer Lionel Hutz. ('This is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film The Never-Ending Story '), and in particular...

25 ...this exchange with Marge. Hutz: 'Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I - uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.' Marge: 'Is that bad?' Hutz: 'Well, he's kind of had it in for me, since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly", and replace "dog" with "son".'

26 And his mantra. 'If there's one thing America needs, it's more lawyers.'

27-36 The 10 Harvard-educated writers.

37 Those critics who got it wrong at the start by billing the Simpsons as 'America's most dysfunctional family.' It's now clear that Homer almost always ends up doing the right thing; it is, it could be argued, one of the most moral shows on television today. According to Archbishop of Canterbury Dr Rowan Williams: 'It's one of the most subtle pieces of propaganda around in the cause of sense, humility and virtue.'

38 Patty and Selma. NB: Selma has parted hair and blue dress. Patty's the other one.

39 The sweet irony that the most profitable and arguably the greatest TV series ever came about because of the greed of copyright lawyers. Creator Matt Groening planned to recycle characters from a newspaper strip but was told this would involve mortgaging his soul to the studio. Forced to invent some instant unknowns, he drew a new family on a pad.

40 Maggie's first word ('Daddy') was voiced by Liz Taylor.

41 The deliberate mystery over which state Springfield is in. Always, just before we see a name, someone stands in front of the map. Interestingly, Portland, Oregon, where Groening grew up, has streets called Flanders and Lovejoy.

42 Bart's one trophy. Inscribed 'Everybody Gets A Trophy Day.'

43 Nathaniel West, in Day of the Locust, featured a character called 'Homer Simpson' - played by Donald Sutherland, who also guested in The Simpsons, as curator of the Springfield Historical Society.

44-57 The 14 glorious years since the first airing on 17 December, 1989.

58 The American love-love relationship with food, including:

59 Homer: 'Donut?' Lisa: 'No, thanks. Do you have any fruit?' Homer: [offers some of the donut he's eating] 'This has purple stuff inside. Purple is a fruit.'

60 ...and where it comes from: Homer: 'Lisa, honey, are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?' Lisa: 'No.' Homer: 'Ham?' Lisa: 'No.' Homer: 'Pork chops?' Lisa: 'Dad! Those all come from the same animal!' Homer: [chuckles] Yeah, right Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

61 And what to do with condiments.

Agent Mulder: 'We want you to recreate your every move the night you saw this alien.' Homer: 'Well, the evening began at the gentleman's club, where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.' Mulder: 'Mr Simpson, it's a felony to lie to the FBI.' Homer: 'We were sitting in Barney's car eating packets of mustard. Ya happy?'

62 And what it's called. Bart (as Tom Sawyer): 'Hmm. Looks like we're out of cornpone, fatback, hardtack, fatpone, corntack...' Nelson (as Huck Finn): 'Any tackback?' Bart: 'Tackback?' Nelson: 'I mean backtack.' Bart: 'Plum out.'

63 They get British humour. And throw it back at us, as in... Bart: 'You're watching PBS?' Homer: 'Hey, I'm as surprised as you, but I stumbled across the most delicious British sitcom.' Bart: [reading title] 'Do Shut Up'? Homer: 'It's about a hard-drinking yet loving family of soccer hooligans. If they're not having a go with the birds, they're having a row with the wankers.'

64 Homer's Y-fronts. 'My favourite bits', according to novelist A.S. Byatt.

65 Napier University now uses The Simpsons to teach the defining characteristics of postmodernism.

66-75 Bart's 10 best blackboard lines: I was not touched 'there' by an angel; Fire is not the cleanser; Fish do not like coffee; Pork is not a verb; The hamster did not have 'a full life'; No one wants to hear about my sciatica; I am not my long-lost twin; The nurse is not dealing; I will not surprise the incontinent; Temptation Island is not a sleazy piece of crap.

76 Newspaper editor: 'We're looking for a new food critic, someone who doesn't immediately pooh-pooh everything he eats.' Homer: 'Nah, it usually takes a few hours.'

77 America's greatest love affair, between Marge and Homer. The most telling exchanges?

78 Marge: 'Homer, is this the way you pictured married life?' Homer: 'Pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.'

79 Marge: 'How do I know I can trust you?' Homer: 'Marge, look at me: we've been separated for a day, and I'm as dirty as a Frenchman. In another few hours I'll be dead! I can't afford to lose your trust again.'

80 Homer: 'Marge... I don't really want to go through with this. But being an astronaut is how I got you to respect me.' Marge: 'Homer, when I met you, you weren't an astronaut. You didn't even know how to use a touch-tone, but I still respected you and I always will, no matter what... [touch-tone sounds come from the phone] ... Homer, you already dialled...'

81-98 The 18 Emmys.

99 Getting away with the clip shows by making fun of clip shows.

100 D'oh was in the 2001 Oxford Dictionary.

101 The Simpsons star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame.

102-108 The four best lands of Itchy and Scratchy Land theme park -Torture Land, Explosion Land, Searing Gas Pain Land, Unnecessary Surgery Land - and the three most bizarre 'friends' of the psychopathic anthropomorphs: Disgruntled Goat, Rich Uncle Skeleton and Ku Klux Clam.

109 Itchy, by the way, is the mouse.

110 In 1997, the programme broke The Flintstones' record for longest-running animated show.

111 America's second-greatest love affair - Homer and various liquids.

112 Starting, while stranded in a lifeboat, with the least likely: Homer: 'Flanders! My socks feel dirty. Give me some water to wash them.' Flanders: 'Again? Homer, we have to ration the water carefully. It's our only hope!' Homer: 'Oh, pardon me, Mr "Let's ration everything", but what do you think we're floating on? Don't you know the poem? 'Water, water, everywhere, so let's all have a drink...'

113 And moving on to the more predictable. Homer: 'Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?' Apu: 'Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.' Homer: 'Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack of beer and a couple of bags of Skittles.'

114 And Red Tick beer: 'Hmm, bold, refreshing, and something I can't quite put my finger on,' says Homer. (Scene shifts to brewery, where dogs are swimming in vats of beer. Brewery worker: 'Needs more dog.')

115 The motto of the earliest Springfield settlers. 'First toil, then the grave.'

116 Friday nights in the Skinner household, where Principal Skinner's mother Agnes insists on them enjoying a quiet evening together - because Friday night is silhouette night.

117 The guest stars, including Stephen Hawking, whose appearance moved Homer to new heights of taste and empathy ('So, Lisa, did you have fun with your robot buddy?')

118 Loyal fans. 'My appearance on The Simpsons was the pinnacle of my career,' Helen Fielding told us yesterday. 'I was quite pleased with the way I turned out. Apart from the snout.'

119 And Jonathan Ross: 'After 300 episodes I can only think of a very few flat bits. That's an unbelievable achievement.'

120 'Lisa's my favourite character,' says Glenda Jackson, 'and I loved the episode where she got a new teacher that really made a difference.'

121 And the pop-star guest stars. Hard to forget Homer being introduced to a member of the Smashing Pumpkins: 'Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins.' ... 'Homer Simpson, smiling politely.'

122 Springfield and religion, and some simple truths, such as country singer Rachel Jordan explaining what happened to her band . 'They switched from Christian music to regular pop. All you do is change "Jesus" to "baby".

123 Or Ned Flanders, telling a bedtime story. 'And Harry Potter and all his wizard friends... went straight to hell for practising witchcraft.'

124 The fact, incidentally, that Ned's first name is actually Nedward.

125 Jebus. Many fans' favourite segment...

Homer [to Rev Lovejoy, as he is being forced into a plane to the South Pacific]: 'Wait, I'm no missionary! I don't even believe in Jebus! Let me out!' [Homer runs to the door and pounds on it. Cut to outside, looking in the window] Homer: 'Oh, save me Jebus!'

126 Homer [to God]: 'You're everywhere. You're omnivorous.'

127 And on death: 'Don't worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep. In a giant blender.'

128 Homer, again, having swiftly forgotten Jebus. 'I'm not normally a religious man, but... if you're up there, save me, Superman!'

129-134 The five most emancipated sayings of the Malibu Stacy dolls (as collected by Smithers and Lisa) - 'I wish they taught shopping in school'; 'Let's bake some cookies for the boys'; 'Don't ask me - I'm just a girl'; Now let's forget our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry ice-cream'; 'Thinking too much gives you wrinkles' and 'My name is Malibu Stacy but you can call me (wolf-whistle).'

135 The 2002 Mori poll which showed 66 per cent of Britons were interested in the lives of the Simpsons (18 per cent said the same about the royals.

136 Homer on the American way. 'Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day, and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.'

137 The name of Australia's Prime Minister is simply 'Andy'.

138 Baby Maggie. The cost of Maggie - $847.63 - as she is accidentally 'swiped' during the opening credits was once given as the amount required to raise a baby for one month in the US.

139 And she shot Mr Burns.

140 And she inspired this exchange. Homer: 'That baby-proofing crook wanted to sell us safety covers for the electrical outlets. But I'll just draw bunny faces on them to scare Maggie away.' Marge: 'She's not afraid of bunnies.' Homer (ominously): 'She will be.'

141 In 1999, in its century's end edition, Time magazine called it 'the best show in the history of television'.

142-144 The finest made-up names. The witch who tricks Bart and Lisa into her gingerbread house grows un-witchily touchy about her love life, insisting she does have a boyfriend. Bart/Lisa: 'Yeah, right.' Witch: 'What? I do!' Lisa: 'What's his name?' Witch: Uh... George. George... [looks around]... George Cauldron.'

Marge is also inspired, when she gives her address on the phone to the police as 'um... 123 Fake Street.' (Chief Wiggum, of course, later checks it out. There is, of course, a crime in progress). Homer's most devious masquerading comes as he tries to board a rocket for important people. ('I am the piano genius from the movie, Shine .' Guard: Uh-uh. And your name is?' Homer: 'Um... Shiney McShine?')

145 Brazil threatened to sue after the line: 'Rio is a city where all men are bisexual, fearsome monkeys roam the streets and tourists are kidnapped by taxi drivers.'

146 Marge's deepest secret. ('My hair isn't really blue.')

147 Homer on trust. 'But Marge, I swear to you, I never thought you'd find out!'

148 The New Bedlam Home for the Emotionally Interesting.

149 The producers turned down Al Gore for a guest role (after he had refused an earlier request, when they were less globally famous), and David Beckham.

150-153 Troy McClure's four most magnificent educational films, including 'Smoke Yourself Thin'; 'Get Confident, Stupid!'; 'Firecrackers: the Silent Killer' and 'Fuzzy Bunny's Guide to You-know-what.'

154-165 The steps in Barney's AA programme. Homer comes along as moral support, until he finds the donuts are on the other side of the room. ('That's a full, oh, 12 steps away! Who can be bothered with something that needs 12 whole steps?' etc).

166-172 Number of years between breeding, under the new Springfield Charter. According to the Comic Book Guy - supposedly Groening's cameo - 'Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, the Vulcans, breeding will be permitted once every seven years. For many of you, this will be much less breeding. For me, much, much more.'

173 Sex and Springfield, continued: Mayor Quimby's most successful chat-up-line ('How would you like to have a street named after you?'

174 And Bart's take on the whole affair. 'What a day, eh, Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them... as is my understanding.'

175 And Jimbo Jones's. Dolph to Nelson: 'Oh man, you kissed a girl?' Jimbo: 'That is so gay.'

176 The makers resisted Japanese calls to have the characters redrawn with four fingers - Japanese culture looks down on missing fingers as evidence of a menial job.

177-182 The world's worst television, show, 'Rock Bottom', is forced to apologise for labelling Homer a sexual harasser. The list of other apologies, scrolled unreadably fast down the screen, includes, 'Styrofoam is not made from kittens', 'The nerds on the internet are not geeks', 'Roy Rogers was not buried inside his horse' and 'Salt water does not "chase the thirsties away."' Oh, and 'If you are reading this you have no life.'

183 'Bleedin' Gums' Murphy, Lisa's sax mentor. Lisa: ' How come they call you Bleedin' Gums?' Gums: 'Well, let me put it this way. You ever been to the dentist?' Lisa: 'Yeah.' Gums: 'Not me. I suppose I should go, but I got enough pain in my life as it is.'

184 And, less groovily, her school music teacher, Mr Largo. 'Lisa, there's no room for crazy bebop in 'My Country 'Tis of Thee'.

185 The prank calls to Moe's which were based on real-life calls in the Eighties to the Tube Bar in New Jersey, whose owner, Louis 'Red' Deutsch, famously threatened the pranksters with the foulest language ever heard on God's earth. Down the years Moe has fallen for the likes of Heywood U Cuddleme ('Big guy in the back? Heywood U Cuddleme?') and Mike Rotch ('Has anyone seen Mike Rotch lately?')

186 The Michael Jackson episode - which he voiced uncredited.

187 The knowing cartoon references, as in this exchange between Bart and Chester J Lampwick (as played by Kirk Douglas).

Chester: 'He didn't create Itchy: I did.'

Bart: 'Huh?' Chester: 'He stole the character from me in 1928. When I complained, his thugs kicked me out of his office, and dropped an anvil on me. Luckily, I was carrying an umbrella at the time.'

188 The 166 couch gags, including the one when the living room had turned into a nightclub. A bouncer let all the family in. Except, of course, Homer.

189 Montgomery C. Burns, being forced to smile for a photo. ('I'm going to be sore tomorrow.')

190-192 Springfield's shops, such as the outdoor clothing store (Malaria Zone), boys' clothes store (Wee Monsieur) and joke shop (Yuckingham Palace)

193-195 Homer's code of the schoolyard. ' Don't tattle, always make fun of those different from you, never say anything unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do.'

196-199 The four food groups (of which, according to Bart's enforced blackboard lines, 'mud' is not one.)

200-202 The dogs in dog hell (because, as Homer points out, as Santa's Little Helper lies on his deathbed, there couldn't be heaven if there weren't a hell). 'Who's in there?' asks Bart.

Homer: 'Oh, uh ... Hitler's dog. And that dog Nixon had, whassisname, um...' Lisa: 'Checkers.' Homer: 'Yeah! One of the Lassies is in there, too. The mean one -- the one that mauled Jimmy.'

203 More Homer and animals. 'Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals. [Thinks] Except the weasel.'

204 And more weaselling genius.

Burns: 'Turn around, Simpson.' Homer: 'No! I can't get in trouble if I can't see you.' Smithers: 'I'm afraid he's got us, sir.'

205 The decision to release no other singles after the lousy 'Bartman'.

206 And the stroke of genius that allowed voice actor Dan Castellanata, in the second series, to 'get' Homer's voice perfectly. From then on, Homer, not Bart, was the true global star.

207 Number 742, Evergreen Terrace, home of the Simpsons.

208 Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel.

209 The one where Homer almost dies.

Homer: 'Ooh! My horoscope. Taurus: today you will die.' Marge: 'WHAT?' [checks own horoscope] 'Today your husband will die?' (gasp). 'Homer, I'm scared!' Homer: 'Oh, scary newspaper! Don't hurt me, horoscope! ... AARGH!' [gets a paper cut].

210-211 Krusty's Brand Goods, and what they say about corporate America. Krusty's Non-Toxic Kologne ('use in well-ventilated areas'); Krusty's home pregnancy kit ('may cause birth defects').

212-219 Itchy and Scratchy film titles. Bang the Cat Slowly, Field of Screams, The Last Traction Hero, Aesophygus Now, Skinless in Seattle, Scar Trek: The Next Laceration, Why Do Fools Fall in Lava? and... Reservoir Cats.

220 Groening calls one show 'The Worst Episode Ever'.

221-229 Number of months (nine), on average, between inception and final episode. Each episode is, ideally, 21 minutes and 41 seconds long.

230-232 Three of the best cases of interplay between father and daughter. Lisa: 'I'm studying for the math fair. If I win, I'll bring home a brand new protractor.' Homer: 'Too bad we don't live on a farm.'

Or Homer, to Lisa: 'You know-nothing know-it-all!'

Or, if you prefer, when they're lost in the countryside: Lisa: 'Remember, Dad. The handle of the Big Dipper points to the North Star.' Homer: 'That's nice, Lisa, but we're not in astronomy class. We're in the woods.'

233-272 Number of decimal points (40) to which Apu can recite pi. (Homer, naturally, greets the news with the phrase 'Mmmm... pie.').

273-274 The sly references to Fox and Rupert Murdoch, for whom Groening has created the most successful US TV series ever. For example, Marge: 'Lisa, normally I would say that you should stand up for what you believe in, but you've been doing that an awful lot lately.' Bart: 'Yeah, you made us march in that gay rights parade.' Homer: 'And we can't watch Fox because they own those chemical weapons plants in Syria.'

Or: Lisa: 'Wow, Dad, you're surfing like a pro!' Homer: 'Oh, yeah! I invested in something called 'News Corp.' Lisa: 'Dad, that's Fox!' Homer: [shrieks] 'Undo! Undo!' [hits key, sighs]

275 And the Devil uses Microsoft.

276-287 Number of years since Groundsman Willie said 'cheese-eating surrender-monkeys'.

288 Homer on aspiration. 'Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try.'

289 And priorities. 'If a gun can protect something as important as a bar, then it's good enough to protect my family.'

290 And real priorities. 'To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!'

291 Lisa: 'And now you can go back to just being you, instead of a one-dimensional character with a silly catchphrase.'

292 Homer: [breaks a lamp] 'D'oh!'

293 Bart: 'Ay, caramba!'

294 Marge: 'Mmm.'

295 Maggie: [sucks her pacifier]

296 Flanders: 'Heidely-ho!'

297 Barney: [burps]

298 Nelson: 'Ha, ha!'

299 Burns: 'Ex-cellent!'

[Everyone looks at Lisa]

300 Lisa: [unimpressed] 'If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room.'

Photo

Just thought I'd post this photo (much reduced from the original 2048 x 1536 1.3Mb image) because I liked it and I'm enjoying playing with my new toy... :)

112

I haven't mentioned celebdaq for a while because I haven't really been playing it that much but thought it worth a mention today for one simple reason...

I got to position 112!

Given that there are close to 300,000 or more active accounts I thought I'd done rather well there! :)

I now have 150,000 celeb-bucks to invest thanks to CZJ - where next? :)

Menu's

OK, after seeing what the staff at Google get offered to eat every day I wish I worked there!

We don't even have a canteen, everyone has to eat sandwiches at their desk!

Oh yeah, my boss totally backed down the other day... Thought you'd want to know! :)

The new Honda Advert.

If you haven't seen this advert yet it's well worth a look. The site is slow because of the sheer number of visitors at the moment though.

There's a good explanation of how it was done (including an explanation of how they get the tyres to roll uphill) on the Daily Telegraph website... 606 takes!!

I personally thought the majority of this advert was CGI'd when I first saw it. The fact that it was actually really done just makes it all the more amazing and jawdropping. This is absolutely a classic!

Wow.

I had no idea the job market in the UK was so tough right now...

I've tried a number of different agencies and they've all pretty much said "nothing now, but we'll keep your CV on file."

Definitely thought there would be more opportunity than that around. Then again, it's very early days so I'm keeping my hopes up.

I've also decided that I should probably keep my option of last resort off the table for the time being. Unless my boss is totally gee'd up to give me a hard time I think the meeting won't even happen...

I guess we'll see tomorrow. Further updates as they occur.

Enneagram

Apparently I am a "type 8"

What if...

... Fox news had been around during other historical events?

:)

A bit of light relief given the hassle I'm going through at the mo...

I've had enough

I genuinely can't work for this company any longer. I am actually at the point where I am writing my resignation letter in anticipation of a meeting my boss has asked me to attend about my 'attitude'.

This is the culmination of working, for the last eight months or so, for a boss who I never see and seems to genuinely not give a toss about the department I head. The department (which is small anyway) has gone from a total of five people to a total of three, including myself, yet we are doing more work than we ever did even with five people.

We get no appreciation for the work we do though and that's the main problem.

The sales people have successfully taken over the company to the extent that we are *so* revenue driven that the average discount being given on orders is somewhere in the region of 20 - 25% or more. Once you strip away that amount we are definitely into the realms of losing money hand-over-fist as the average gross margin (not markup) on the products is somewhere around 25 - 28% maximum. On some products (such as ADSL) it is MUCH lower. Obiously once you take into account the S, G and A costs the net margin on these products will be somewhere around 10% (this is an expensive business). On ADSL the net margin will be around 3%, if not a net loss.

Of course, we are revenue driven rather than margin driven because the sales people are commissioned on revenue, not margin. So, it doesn't matter if the sale actually results in a net loss, they still get their 5% (or whatever the figure is) commission.

Anyway, the issue which has resulted in breaking the camel's back is as follows...

A sales bod (well there's a surprise) promised a customer an unfeasably short leadtime on a product without seeking authorisation from me. When the order came in I rejected it. This led to a very public slanging match by email in which I used the facts and he used emotions. The fact is that the product he wanted to order was non-pricebook and would take around five working days to arrive from our supplier. I told him this and he just went nuts, saying that he was surprised by my defeatist attitude and that I hadn't even tried to get it quicker.

In the end, I wrote a very conciliatory email in which I explained the facts as I saw them. I also, at about the same time, thought I'd better let my boss know about the spat as he'd no doubt hear about it anyway. BIG mistake.

The email I got back accused me of sending emails which were unacceptable in tone. He also said that this had got to stop and said that he wanted to see me on Tuesday about my attitude. Hmmm.... I was kinda expecting to be backed up on this one, especially as I had gone out of my way to calm the situation down.

Anyway, this coming Tuesday will bring forth one of two scenarios...

1. He starts giving me a hard time about my attitude and I ask him to say whether he backs me as a manager or not. If he doesn't I hand my letter there and then. This means I have cause for Constructive Dismissal as he has admitted he does not back me. The company have also very much changed my job spec without consultation also so that's another cause.

2. He backs down. My boss tends to be very much more bold behind a keyboard than he is in person.

I actually think 2 is more likely but it is not going to stop me looking for another job to start ASAP. I have the backing of my wife to just resign and spend the next month looking for another job and that is something I am SERIOUSLY considering doing...

Wish me luck!

Numbers

Small excerpt from "The shape of World War IV, by number" in the Toronto Star.

77: Percentage of Americans who support military action against any country believed to be linked to 9/11 terrorist attacks, even if innocent civilians are killed in those countries.

How to deepen the divide

... between Christian and Muslim countries even more.

Simply declare that God is on your side.

This does, of course, imply that God isn't on the Muslim's side and is likely to inflame the hatred felt by other peoples and cultures for western culture even more. From this action comes a 1000 bin-Laden's. This is the best recruitment drive that Al-Quaida (I know I've probably spelled that wrong) could have possibly hoped for.

I, for one, want to know about other cultures and don't believe very much (if anything) of what I am spun by the news broadcasters in the UK (especially Sky News as they are closely linked to Fox News which, I admit, I do watch but only for 5 minutes at a time as I can feel my brain turning to mush because of the jingoistic ra-ra-america reportage).

Just about the most impartial reporting is coming from good ol' Auntie Beeb and it can be seen to be relatively impartial as both sides are complaining about it which proves it must be about right. Still worth attempting to corroborate facts properly though.

As a final thought on this blog entry, remember this about good ol' boy GWB (and you should remember while reading this that I AM a Christian)...

Bush is ignoring his Bible. That should worry us regardless of what "Islamic" terrorists do.

This is a man who doesn't believe that evolution is real, he thinks the world was made in 7 days around 15,000 years ago and that man lived with dinosaurs (the usual fundalmentalist/evangelical/born again philosophy). This is a man who thinks all non-fundamentalist Christians are destined for hell, period.

This is also a man who was arrested and convicted on a variety of theft, drunk-driving and other crimes. He is a recovering alcoholic, he is the first President in history with a criminal record.

This is who we're dealing with and this is who we should be worried about.

Is cheaper gas really worth World War III?

Yes, I know I'm a bad boy...

... and I've been neglecting my duty as a blogger to tell anyone who will listen what's on my mind every few minutes... ;)

So, in an effort to rectify this here's what I'm currently thinking about.

Why is my tax burden rising so much when I have a fairly modest income?

As from today the National Insurance rate for employees goes up 10% from 10% to 11%. This is an overall tax increase for someone on normal rate tax in this country of approximately 3%. This was totally snuck in by the back door a year ago but only comes into force today.

This is just what we need... A tax rise just as we're going into recession. Jeez, what planet are these people on? Just because it won't affect ministers with all the back-handers that they get doesn't mean it doesn't affect normal people. I know this money is meant to be hypothecated in full to the NHS but I can't be the only person who's thinking "will they even see a penny of this extra cash?"

My guess is they won't and the upcoming budget will include a raft of other sneaky backdoor stealth taxes that people won't notice until it's too late... Expect the personal allowances to be frozen (AGAIN) at the very least. I also reckon that the upper limit for National Insurance will be synchronised with the upper limit for normal rate taxation. This will allow future chancellors to increase the NI "super-rate" of 1% quite simply.

The council tax also went up a significant amount this year, around 13%. Councils are blaming the government for not giving them enough and the government is blaming the councils for spending too much. Blah blah blah. All I know is that I pay nearly 20 UKP a week seemingly just to get my bin emptied.

This government has turned out to be a proper old-fashioned tax-and-spend Labour government. What a shame.

Why are houses money pits and why does nobody bother to tell you before you buy one?

I mean, it's just madness. Your parents (may their souls rest in peace) don't bother telling you. Nor does any older sibling you may have.

One day you decide to move out, either because you've found that special someone or because you just want to move out and do stuff on your own. In England you've really got three choices...

1. Rent a house from the local council or housing trust.
2. Rent a house from a private landlord.
3. Purchase a house, either new-build or one someone's living in.

Now then, I'll deal with each of these in order...

1. Rent a house from the local council or housing trust.

The qualifying question for this type of housing appears to be.
1a. Are you a single parent?

If you can answer yes to this question and you happen to be about 16 or so and don't want anything to do with the father you've got it made. The council will find you somewhere to live faster than you can say "oooh yeah, right there baby." They will almost certainly let you have the place free as the government will give you a 100% rebate on the rent and the council tax payable. The only thing you have to do is collect your child benefit and and your dole money.

Let me make this plain, I have absolutely nothing against single parents who are single because of relationship breakdown / loss of partner etc. but I do have a problem with the 16 year olds who get pregnant to get a house. I pay enough tax already and shouldn't be expected to subsidise them further.

2. Rent a house from a private landlord.

This carries it's risks as well as there are fairly obviously good landlords and bad. A good one will maintain the house for you etc., and a bad one won't. You also should expect to stump up a large security deposit and not expect to get it back as the landlord will undoubtably find something that you have broken or not left in it's original condition when you leave. The rent also tends to be about as much as you would expect to pay when buying a house or more.

However, it would appear to be a good compromise if you find a housemate who can share all the bills / rent etc. with you.

3. Buy your house.

Given the current overinflated state of the market expect to pay a fortune to live anywhere. London would be especially bad with 250,000 UKP buying you somewhere the size of a postage stamp. That sort of money in the North West of the country not too far from Manchester would buy a really nice house with four or five bedrooms as long as you didn't want to live in Didsbury or Wilmslow (the latter being where all the footballers and soap starts live near Manchester).

Expect to stump up at least 5 - 10% of the value up-front as a deposit. Essentially the more the better as the lower the mortgage will be.

This option means you get the joy of "improving" the house yourself. That means spending on all the repairs etc etc etc. This is where the "money pit" idea comes in as no matter how nice it is and how well maintained the house has been you'll always find something you want to change or improve and you never realise just how much money you end up spending on a house until you've got one yourself.

My word. Hasn't this been quite the rant?

Time for me to start looking at moving out of the country, like soooo many other people are doing I think.

I'm going to lie down and get my composure back now. Don't bother flaming me for any view expressed above, you'll just get ignored.

Slightly new layout

The regular visitors (not many then) among you will have noticed the slight layout change.

I have finally moved from using tables to CSS and taken the opportunity to very slightly change the layout.

Hopefully this will be better to read in more browsers but only time will tell!

A day late I know but...

... a quick link to the top 100 April Fool hoaxes of all time.

Another poem...

The Peace Proposal by Shel Silverstein

THE PEACE PROPOSAL

Said General Clay to General Gore
"Really must we fight this silly war
To kill and die is such a bore"
"I quite agree," said General Gore

Said General Gore to General Clay,
"We could go to the beach today
And have some ice cream on the way".
"A grand idea", said General Clay

Said General Clay to General Gore,
"We'll build sand castles on the shore".
Said General Gore, "We'll splash and play".
"Let's leave right now", said General Clay

Said General Gore to General Clay,
"But what if the sea is closed today
And what if the sand's been blown away?"
"A dreadful thought", said General Clay.

Said General Gore to General Clay,
I've always feared the ocean's spray.
And we may drown." "It's true we may.
It chills my blood", said General Clay.

Said General Clay to General Gore,
"My bathing suit is slightly tore.
We better go on with our war."
"I quite agree", said General Gore

Then General Clay charged General Gore
As bullets flew and cannons roared.
And now, alas, there is no more
Of General Clay or General Gore.