Society tells me that I should go on a diet, get a personal trainer, and obsess about my weight. There’s the whole mythology of the size 0 that has sprung up which I seriously don’t like. There’s the whole celebrity-Mom thing which dictates that the average mother should look glam and gorgeous because so-and-so can do it…but, the kicker is, only WITH the help of a personal trainer/chef/nanny which is what most other mums definitely do not have. I wish I could get out to the gym but we don’t have the luxury of childcare and we are just too exhausted during the evenings to think about running on a treadmill. I do enough running after a toddler during the day to exceed my 10,000 steps thank you very much. I go for at least one walk a day. My weight repetitions involve picking up said toddler countless times a day. And even though it bugs me that my body shape has changed and I’m not as lithe as I was during my University years, deep down, I know that I am doing the best I can to take care of myself and take care of my family. The last thing I want to do is obsess about every calorie I take in, even though I try to cook nutritious meals—because I do not want to be a slave to the scale or the number of fat grams I consume when I have far more important things to concern myself with.

I think a lot of women GET this, but it’s those stupid clothing retailers and fashion mags and dare I say the media that doesn’t. All they succeed in doing is making women feel like they aren’t good enough unless they can fit into super-skinny drainpipe jeans and they are only happen when they enslave women to diets (and even diet pills) and obsessing about how they look.

And that’s not how I really want to be. So I’d better get back to cleaning out my drawers. Boy, some charity will really hit the jackpot with the clothes they will be getting from our house!

Other than that, I’ve been running after a very active little boy. The game has totally changed. He’ll be officially two on Sunday (Father’s Day—how cool is that?) but he’s already “unofficially” a toddler already. I’m loathe to use the adjective “terrible” to describe toddler but he is just one huge ball of energy, and doesn’t like to hear the word “no” and I’ve had to resort to using reigns when we go out, because walks have just been too traumatic and after he ran out in front of a car I knew I had to do something. So as a result, I’m always tired, I feel like a grumpy, frumpy housewife half the time because I do get discouraged at this parenthood thing, and I don’t have time to blog that much.

So I’d better do a bit more tidying before he wakes up from his nap. And I’d better get off of this thing before I can’t resist the pull of logging into Facebook to see what my friends are up to.

And for those who do take the time to speak to that little boy and perhaps even his Mum, THANK YOU. You may have just brightened their day and restored some hope that humanity (at least in a certain Cheshire town) isn’t as calloused as previously thought.

I read Reader’s Digest. I actually have a subscription to the Canadian one which keeps me in touch with Canada a wee bit. I know that might be kind of tacky to admit, but it’s actually not a bad read. (I think the Cdn version is much better than the British one, btw) I read an article a few months back about the riddle of how to bring up boys—the old chestnut of whether men should be tough, or tender or if it’s in their genes to be totally at odds with how women think and feel. The article was thoughtful but I feel that it didn’t go deep enough, that it was open to misinterpretation. The article was also the topic of the online forum for that month, where readers can sound off their opinions on selected articles. So I wrote my tuppence worth, thinking nothing of it. When lo and behond, a few months later, my comments appeared in the March issue! If you can find a copy of the magazine, you’ll see my name in print. Go down to your local Doctor’s or Dentist’s clinic, I’m sure you’ll be able to find the magazine, ha ha!)
But for those of you who don’t have access to it, here’s what I said…

“As a mom of an 18-month old son, I admit that I was intially frightened because my husband and I didn’t have a clue how to raise a boy in today’s world. Do we raise him to be tough? To be tender? Are boys supposed to be “rough-and-tumble” or should we raise our son to be softer and gentler? But at the end of the day, the ultimate goal of parenting should be to raise any child to be a productive member of society and to contribute to making the world a better place.”

Gosh, it’s so weird to see my name in print! I don’t think I’ll make a habit of commenting on Reader’s Digest articles in future, lemme tell you, but it was a nice suprise for them to pick my comment to print.

I’vealso been delving into Facebook which is actually kinda cool (it’s all Desiree’s fault. I blame her! Just kidding, Des). I’ve had fun getting in touch with people I went to school with and it seems way more mature than MySpace (ie users on there aren’t all 18 years old). It’s a nice adjunct to blogging as you can just post brief comments on there and I’ve felt comfortable posting photos on there that friends can see but not the whole world. So I hope that more of you sign up and I’ll friend you! It’ll be nice to chat with you on a different level than blogging.

But as far as birthdays go, it was alright. My son was nice to me, I got to sleep in til 6:30 AM (luxury!) and it was a pretty typical morning. G had the day off. I didn’t get any pressies but that was totally OK as I buy myself litttle treats during the year, and I don’t go out anymore so don’t need a lot of clothes, and I have books that I haven’t read yet so didn’t feel like buying any books so it wasn’t a big deal to not get any pressies. I could be really cheeky and put together an Amazon wishlist for people to buy me presents but does that really work anyway?—and I just couldn’t be that crass. We decided to go to Manchester by train, as G needed to go to the jeweller where we got our wedding rings from to see if his could be repaired so we thought we’d better do that while we had the chance. So we went after J’s nap and after we had lunch. J was a bit shell shocked on the train but seemed to relax when he discovered that he wasn’t strapped into his car seat :) We just had a walk around, we didn’t buy much at all which proves that we’re more “browsers” than “shoppers”. But to be honest Manchester felt really grubby; it had the really posh stores like Harvey Nichols and suchlike but walking down by the Oxford Road train station it just felt like Manchester consisted of grubby takeaways and pubs. We haven’t been to Manchester for ages but we don’t really feel the need to go back for a while if you know what I mean. A few hours there was enough, J was starting to get grumpy. We went to Marks and Spencer in Warrington to buy some nibbles (spring rolls, chicken wings, that sort of thing) instead of going out to eat which was nice and I felt relaxed by doing that, and just hanging out. I fed J, gave him a bath and put him to bed then we sat and nibbled and watched a bit of telly. I didn’t get a cake but we bought some chocolate mousse and some pannacotta (which is like a thick vanilla custard dessert topped with rasp. sauce) from M and S which was a treat so that was a good compromise.

So now it’s been back to reality. I haven’t been able to get out in my garden much because of the rain but it appears that the slugs and snails haven’t ravaged it—yet!

But, I have come up with an iTunes playlist that I can listen to while I do chores around the house and still indulge my taste for grown-up music (which does seem awfully indulgent and sneaky!!) but will still be kid friendly. I got the idea from the CelebrityBaby Blog (which is one of my daily reads) ; I’ve used some ideas from their playlist but here’s mine. I wanted upbeat songs because goodness knows there’s so much negativity out there as it is. And I’d better wait to introduce him to Radiohead for a good few years, ha ha. Some songs J just likes—like Mr Blue Sky (don’t ask) and the Dr Who Theme (obviously he gets that from his Dad). I know it’s long so I’ll do some here and some in an extended entry. I’d better get to work and finish some housework before J wakes up from his nap. If you have any other songs then by all means suggest them! And yes, we do have eclectic musical taste. You should see our CD cabinet! :)

10,000 Maniacs - Trouble Me
The Beach Boys - Wouldn’t It Be Nice
The Beatles - Yellow Submarine
The Beatles - Hello, Goodbye
The Bees - Chicken Payback
Bob Marley - Three Little Birds
Mama Cass - Dream A Little Dream Of Me
Caedmon’s Call - Climb On(A Back That’s Strong)
Clannad - Caislean Oir
Coldplay - Fix You
Dr Who Theme
ELO - Mr Blue Sky
Eagles - Peaceful Easy Feeling
Emmylou Harris, Alison Krauss And Gillian Welch - Didn’t Leave Nobody But The Baby
Frank Popp Ensemble - Catwalk
Israel Kamakawiwo’ole - Over The Rainbow
Jack Johnson - Better Together
Jack Johnson - Questions
Johnny Cash - Tennessee Flat Top Box
Glenn Miller - In The Mood
Great Big Sea - Ordinary Day
Henry Mancini - Baby Elephant Walk
Kate Bush - Eat the Music
Lemon Jelly - In the Bath
Lemon Jelly - His Majesty King Raam
Lisa Loeb - Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
Madeleine Peyroux - Don’t Wait Too Long
Mannfred Mann - 5 4 3 2 1
Marvin Gaye - How Sweet It Is
Moby - Run On
Maire Brennan - Oro

But the province of Alberta, where my sister and husband live, has just announced that they will perform newborn screening for over 30 genetic disorders, up from about three—hence why the medics caught this diagnosis with my nephew. I have huge mixed feelings about this. I just think that stuff like this makes new parents worry even more about things, and turn new parents hypochondriac. But then….what if the tests turn up something like CF—or something even more rare? What happens then? Will there be the support, especially for families in rural areas who don’t have easy access to major hospitals or medical care? What happens to all the medication and/or medical equipment for the patient, will that be covered by the healthcare system or will parents have to foot the bill?

I just hope and pray the whole family can come to terms with this. I know that when my husband was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes I felt the world was ending. But now…I now know you just take what you’re given, deal with it, and move on. But it’s easier said that done.

It’s not really about not having things to say, but for me, having the time. The whole Virginia Woolf “room of one’s own” thesis I think can be transferred to blogging by saying “time of one’s own”. Some of the best bloggers, or even the most prolific ones, are blokes. That’s not really being sexist here, btw! I think because men tend to have more free time on their hands—or else they sit in offices with easy access to a ‘pooter in order to dash off a quick post. With a toddler running around and a gazillion things to do during the day blogging becomes low on my priority list. This is a rare time while I’m waiting for a bath to run that I am writing! Nowadays I usually go to bed around 9:30!!! How sad is that?!

BUT the other more important issue for me is privacy. I want to talk about my son and tell the world about how cute he’s being and post the photos to prove it but unfortunately there are enough internet pervs out there and I realize I have to protect him in some way. Over here in the UK, a lot of schools and churches and youth organizations such as Scouts/Brownies aren’t allowed to publish photos online of their charges doing innocent activities because of data and child protection laws; unless the parents say they are allowed to post the photos of their children. I find that sad, but if churches are under those sorts of constraints then what does that say about blogging? The laws have a point about protecting those who don’t have a voice and can’t give permission about what gets put online. I know some of the blogs I read find it OK to post photos and detailed stories about their kids and personal lives. For me, right now, I just don’t feel comfy with that. But Junior is my/our pride and joy right now and consumes everything we do so everything else is just gravy. I just don’t know where “the line” is right now. So hence no blog. I don’t want to shut it down completely but right now I can’t do the whole medium justice. So rather than blethering on about stupid stuff, I’ve chosen to not say anything at all.

I hope you understand and I hope that I can get some perspective from others out there in similar circumstances. Where is “the line” for you, regarding openness vs. privacy, especially where your kids are concerned? Do you worry that any personal information you divulge would be misconstrued by some online creep? Any personal experiences with that? You can email me privately if you prefer. I really want to start blogging again as it’s such an enjoyable, personal part of my life. But I really am in a bind about this.

Right, I’d love to stop and gab (and put together iTunes playlists for our Mega Roadtrip) but J is asleep and I really do need to get some packing and tidying done. I’ll try to post at least once more before we leave.

But then I wake up to the news… terrorist plot to blow up several UK flights foiled and as a result Heathrow has been closed and severe security measures put in place throughout the UK airports. Basically, no hand luggage allowed, only “essential items” such as travel documents, medication and baby care items and these must be stored in clear plastic bags. No cameras or mobile phones allowed on board either; they all have to be checked-in.

Now I realise that these severe measures will only likely last a few days, but what about the long term measures that will no doubt be put in place after this episode? Just like the security precautions that were put in place after 9/11, ie no scissors, removing shoes to go through x-ray, etc; there will no doubt be some more measures added. But as much as I understand the reasons for the precautions and am mucho glad they foiled this plot (thank God!), all this stuff makes travel a lot more stressful—for both the poor airport workers who have to deal with delays as well as irate passengers, but especially for the 99% of the travelling public who are absolutely innocent.

I pity those poor parents with young children who are flying long-haul today. How are they supposed to feed and entertain a child when “non-essential” items have to be stowed in the hold? How do you explain to a young child that their colouring books have to be taken away from them because of some bad men trying to blow up a plane?

I really hope that when we fly in two weeks things will have calmed down a whole lot. This flight for us was already going to be difficult and I’ve been doing lots of planning to try to make it as smooth as possible. But if these strict measures remain, I honestly don’t know how I’m going to logistically cope with a grumpy, bored baby for nine hours. I pity the flight attendants!

I’m not so sure about the Natural Born Gardener thing. Both myself and Garry come from a long line of talented gardeners…my mother-in-law (bless her soul) could make a stick grow, and my parents (and both sides of grandparents) have always had a huge vegetable garden and fruit trees. One of my chores growing up was to help weed, as well as help to can and freeze fruit and vegetables. I hated it; I wanted to go swimming or something, not spend my summer in a hot, bug-infested patch of dirt!

But something triggered my own love of plants. I remember it was after high school, after a nasty breakup with a boyfriend. I just felt inexplicably drawn to wanting to create a garden; perhaps all that aggression was meant to come out in the hoeing and digging. Or perhaps I just wanted to nurture something, to create something beautiful out of the ugliness— aan appropriate metaphor for my psyche at the time. I don’t know for sure. But all of a sudden, I got my parents to help me pick out plants at nurseries, and wanted to try to grow anything—anything!—to see what would happen. I got the bug, bigtime.

I didn’t entirely have much luck but I enjoyed the creating of the garden. I found the early morning cool earth and the birdsong almost meditative. I started to slow down and notice the birds and bugs that inhabited the yard. And I began to realise what the attraction was.

After I moved over here, I didn’t do much with our little patch of ground. The soil was/is hard clay. The plants that I wanted to plant didn’t do very well. I compared my meagre efforts with the gardening shows and the neighbours and I got discouraged. I just stuck with a few pots dotted around. Besides, I didn’t have time to garden, with working full time and caring for a home. The slugs and snails sucked my petunias down to nothing. I got really discouraged.

And then this year, I wanted to plant some flowers in our beds. I decided to go for the cottage garden look. I figured that wildflowers would grow pretty much anywhere. It took ages for me to clear the layers of weeds from the beds and remove the big gobs of clay. I mostly did it when the weather was fine and J was napping; the two didn’t necessarily co-exist with each other so it took me weeks to do. I started too late in the season and my flowers haven’t bloomed into the rainbow of colour they were supposed to, so I’ll have to wait til next year. I keep looking in garden centres and thinking of plants to put in there; not all of my favorites, like Bleeding Hearts, will work in our cleggy soil. But I keep planning for my dream garden. Eventually, in one of my future homes, I’l have enough space for a magical “British” cottage garden with layers of plants in my beds, and perhaps a vegetable patch so I can show my son how plants grow and get him to taste a freshly-pulled carrot. I want to learn how to do those huge, pouffy hanging baskets that you see on pubs. I want to sit out on the lawn, stretched out with a good book, chatting with my husband and watching my child play in his little paddling pool. Bliss!

I look at the meagre attempt that I’ve started, and I sigh, and I plan for next year, hoping that somehow down the road, with lots of practice and hits-and-misses, I’ll finally hit on the magic formula for a nice garden, and the weather and the slugs/bugs will be kind to it and the gardeners in my family who have gone before me will look on my efforts and smile approvingly.

Gardeners are optimists….

1. You know how I wrote about how cranky Jarrod was? Well, it turns out it was an ear infection. His first one. And I didn’t catch it because I just thought it was due to the heat. So meanwhile he was in pain and had a fever. So I received my first (of no doubt many to come) Bad Mum Award. I was also introduced to the joys of getting medicine down a kid’s throat; the fact that the medicine tasted of lemon and was rather pleasant was lost on our little patient because he just didn’t want to know…yes, I know people are meant to take the entire dose of anti-biotics (as well as the entire course), lest Superbugs happen and bad science-fiction B-movie stuff occurs. But I think Dr’s need to be realistic. Half the dose of medicine will end up on clothes/furniture/Mum rather than down the Squirmy Worm’s throat. Does this mean that the process of Superbugs mutating has begun because I couldn’t give him the entire dose? (Yes I think about this stuff!)

2. After much deliberating and researching out the best fare, we’ve booked flights to Canada at the end of August. It was a time-consuming process because we discovered that all of Air Canada’s flights from the UK now hub through Toronto. There are a few direct flights to Calgary/Vancouver but they cost an absolute fortune! I’m sorry, but we think Pearson Airport is evil anyway, but we’re not dragging a long flight with a baby out even more by having to change over in YYZ. Air Canada is pricing themselves out of the market. So is BA, Lufthansa, and the other “normal” airlines. So we’re having to fly charter and with the myriad of taxes and surcharges, even that was a bit of a shocker. We upgraded to first class (probably the only time we’ll be able to “turn left” on an airplane) and the idea is that J will sit between us and have a bit of room to crawl around etc. The long drive to my hometown after the flight doesn’t really phase me, because we can stop and stretch our legs and stuff. But I am so not looking forward to a 9-hour flight with a mobile baby…nappy changes, feeds, and trying to keep him entertained in a confined space while we try not to incur the wrath of fellow-passangers who think we’re bad parents for letting our child disturb them, are all going to be challenges. We are dreading this flight. Any flight tips from other parents will be muchly appreciated.

3. We said farewell to our friends Martha and Gavin who had the guts to make the leap back across the pond. We’re really happy for them but really sad that we’re making some friends and they up and leave us! How selfish! :) Their daughter Audrey and Jarrod really took a shine to each other. It was really cute.

4. On Saturday it was J’s first birthday. It was so emotional because of how far he’s come in the year. I looked at photos of when he was teeny-tiny in the hospital and couldn’t believe I was looking at the same baby. We didn’t do a whole lot because the weather was very humid and we didn’t want to overdo things then have a cranky kid to deal with, and J decided to sleep all afternoon which scuppered our plans anyway but it was nice to spend the day as a family. We got him a few pressies but didn’t really do the cake thing, as he won’t remember it anyway (and we’re waiting for the day down the road when he wants to invite his entire class to a McDonald’s party, and he wants the super-deluxe Thomas the Tank Engine train set…and a puppy) and we’re having enough trouble trying to get him to eat solid food—yes we might be ‘mean parents’ but we thought not filling him up with sugary food was the better option.

So that’s about it really. Hopefully I’ll get into more of a routine again now that the weather is nicer and I can take him out for more walks. But a lot of time is just spend doing “damage control”…I’m learning that no matter how much you try to childproof a house, the child will find something else to get into. So unless you live in a bunker with no interesting furniture, knick-knacks or paper laying around, a lot of time with a young child is spent cleaning up after them. So on that note…while he’s having a morning nap I’m going to park this here and go clean up the kitchen and hang out some laundry while I get the chance!

Today is still warm and it’s expected to be nice all week. What a concept! I’ve tried to get out and get some work done in my flower beds because I’ve been trying to get out in the garden for ages. But unfortunately a lot of the birds and squirrels have eaten my little flower shoots (I planted some wildflower seeds a month ago—with our cleggy soil I don’t think you can go too wrong with the “cottage garden” look. In theory) so I will have to come up with a Plan B. I do not watch gardening programmes on telly for this very reason. Ditto those home improvement shows. They’re just too depressing!

But thanks for all your well-wishes. I don’t normally rant and rave in my blog (unlike “Ann!”: http://thoughts-du-jour.blogspot.com/) and I was kind of scared of the reaction but I am so glad y’all didn’t think I was crazy!

Drat! Blog time is up as a certain baby’s naptime is over!

Instead, I will do what I usually do, chase after a newly-mobile baby who takes great fun in continually shuffling off the contents of the coffee table and emptying his clean nappies from the bin and then turning the radio on and off about fifty times, then crawling into corners and then “asking” me to rescue him, then ater I a little while I will try to get him to eat some solid food (with some luck, and cajoling on my part) and in between, I will try to keep the house reasonably tidy and then attempt to come up with something nice for tea. Whoever thought that being a housewife meant cozying up with some snacky things and watching daytime telly all day must be totally deluded.

Today it’s just bugging me, this stay-at-home mum thing. Perhaps it’s the date, the sixth of the the sixth, 2006…equals 666 which isn’t a nice number. I’m not superstitious and don’t expect anything apocolyptic to happen but I need to find a reason for this agitation. It’s not normal behaviour for me to turn into a she-wolf and bark and my husband over stupid stuff and make my son cry in the process.

But sometimes, like today, I wish I had someone to watch him just for a few hours, so I can just be me, and have a wee break so that I can come back to my responsibilities with a clear head. I love my family and I’m not one of those mums who dump their kids on someone else while they’re out galavanting and being social, but sometimes it’s just darn hard when it’s just me and him pretty much all day and I don’t know how to entertain him properly and I feel underappreciated and even going out for an hour to weed the garden or have a bath (and yes, writing blog entries is included in that category) is difficult to arrange, and I could think of so many other things that need doing but despite my best efforts at doing them, it still seems not enough and I could be doing better because the house isn’t totally clean, I haven’t done any baking for my husband’s lunch….I feel like I’m drowning under a huge to-do list. But I’m afraid for saying this stuff, someone is going to come up and accuse me of being a bad mother for complaining and not being 100% joyful all the time. And of course I’ll feel really guilty and just keep trying harder…

Should I hit the “publish” button? I can just delete this post and pretend it never happened. But I will publish it and then go and sweep the floor. I just can’t walk away from what needs doing.

A bit of background info: the recipe was taken from one of my favorite series of cookbooks, Looneyspoons which are written by two Canadian sisters and feature low-fat, nutritious food—WAIT! Don’t run away in horror when you hear that dreaded term “low fat”. What sets the books apart is the fact that the meals are family-friendly and use no fancy-schmancy ingredients. But more importantly, the recipes all have a catchy, punny title and cute illustrations beside them. So you don’t even realise you’re eating low-fat food! I’m including the little blurb beside the recipe because I think it is very funny.

Corn In The USA

If Utaht corn muffins were Ohio in fat, think again! In our revamped version, oil’s no longer the Maine ingredient, so Kentucky an extra one in your lunch bag and still fit into that New Jersey.

1 cup all purpose flour (I use half wholewheat and half white flour)
1 cup yellow cornmeal (here in the UK polenta is basically the same thing; look for it in Sainsbury’s; haven’t seen it in Tesco or Asda)
2 Tbsp. sugar
1-1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt
1 can (15 oz.) creamed corn (here it’s stocked in Tesco and Sainsbury’s)
1/2 cup buttermilk (or I use fromage frais thinned with a bit of water or milk)
1 egg
2 Tbsp. butter or marg. melted (I find olive oil works just as well)
1 can (4 oz) green chllies, optional (I sometimes use chopped cooked bacon for a not-low-fat treat)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Grease a muffin tin and set aside. In a large bowl, combine dry ingredients. Set aside. In a medium bowl, whisk together corn, buttermilk, egg, melted butter and chilies. Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients. Stir until batter is just moistened.

Divide batter among the muffin cups. Bake for 20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the centre comes out clean. Be careful not to overbake. Remove muffins from the tin and cool slightly. Best served warm.

**Carla’s note: You can also put the mixture into an 8×8 square pan and bake for around 35 minutes—works just as well.

“Sorry it took me so long, you guys!”